Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just had sex on a roof
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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