He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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