my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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