I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I look better un-naked...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if only i could text you this smell
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
