I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
