Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
