After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
