I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is the high leading the old right now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
