Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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