You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
