i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
