thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
