Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
