Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
