you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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