i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
