I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
