matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
