I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
