I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
