the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
