We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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