There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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