she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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