Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
