i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
