he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
