Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This baby is an asshole
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
