Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
