It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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