whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
