im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
