But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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