Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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