I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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