Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
