He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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