Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
