I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
