I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So much rum. So many feels.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
