So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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