Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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