All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
