God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
