You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
