On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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