You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
