What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
