did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
