Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
