I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
