Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
