we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
