Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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