dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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