guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
